True Trump Tale

This is a True Story about Pavlovian response, the power of imagery, Canada Revenue and Donald Trump.

I was standing in a hardware store in Bristol (what they still call an ironmonger’s shop here) getting some light bulbs, when my cellphone rang.

The screen said it was a call from Chile.

I don’t know anyone in Chile, but I’ve been here long enough to know that calls from Canada on my FIDO phone show up as being routed through bizarre destinations: sometimes, Switzerland, sometimes Brazil, so I answered it.

It was from a Very Polite Man in Canada working for the Canada Revenue Agency, looking to collect some HST that I owed.

My normal response in such instances is to negotiate: a little now, a little next month, a little the month after.

The Very Polite Canadian at the other end of my phone suggested that they would really really like it if they could collect the full amount by the end of the month.

I was about to counter offer when It Happened: the television mounted over the store’s cash register, tuned to the BBC, started running an item about Donald Trump with the requisite large orange-coloured images of The Man Himself.

I was suddenly so overwhelmed by gratitude at being Canadian, at not having to accept this horrific coarse dullard as representative of my country that I blurted out the unthinkable: “Never mind” I said, scarcely believing what I heard my mouth saying “I’ll pay the full amount this afternoon on-line.”

I had suddenly been overwhelmed by a sense of patriotism I never knew I possessed: I wanted to pay my taxes, I wanted to make sure Canada had the money it needed, I wanted to contribute to the nation’s coffers.

It was a completely and typically Pavlovian response, a form of aversion psychology, and I was surprised myself at how effectively and instantly it had motivated me.

The Very Polite Man in Canada was clearly taken aback; several seconds of silence followed. Then in Very Polite Fashion, he countered with “Well, you don’t need to pay it today, so long as it’s paid by the end of the month…….”

But the Orange Man was still on the screen, his Hypnotic Revulsion Effect still powerfully playing with my mind.

“No, no” I insisted, “today, I’ll pay it in full today!” and hung up.

And I did.

Perhaps Canada Revenue should take a lesson from my experience: maybe they should print photos of Donald Trump on all their collection letters.

It just might turn out to be the most effective stimulus/response campaign in history.